What's Better for the Family, a Trailer or Mansion?

When you think about social class, do you think about money, neighborhoods, vacations (or the lack of vacations), or even speech? These attributes are what the majority of people base their judgement on. Here are two videos that can give a sketch of some the attitudes people have about the class system in America.

People Like Us: Tammy's Story

People Like Us: Trouble in Paradise

The class system almost directly opposes the founding principles of America, so it’s often uncomfortable for members of classes to admit that they even exist. However, as illustrated by the videos above, classes and their accompanying attitudes are real.

What people often tend to disregard is how classes affect families. In Tammy’s situation, think of the remarks her son made about his unhappiness in family life because of his mother’s situation. In “Trouble in Paradise”, think of the comments made by the woman in regards to her fiance’s level of class, and what effect their relationship will have on future children.

It’s easy to see from those two examples that classes can damage families. But maybe that’s not always the case. Could you see how social classes could benefit families? In thinking about his question myself, I’ve thought about how a family could be strengthened when they endure the whiplash of social class change together. Let’s say a family goes from comfortable living to a humble trailer similar to Tammy’s due to a loss of income by one or both parents. If handled with correct principles in mind, any family could find that experience to be integral to their happiness. If relationships are allowed to be torn by anger of ruined reputations in society, any family could fall. So which is better, a trailer or a mansion? Does it really matter? 

Both scenarios depend solely on a family’s choice of believing in society’s opinion, or believing in family bonds.

Which do you think is stronger?

What Causes Babysitter Mutiny: An Explanation of The Systems Theory

Families are different from one another. Anyone that has been on Earth longer than a week can figure that out! Have you ever wondered why people act the way they do? Why they think the way they think? Why they say what they say, accept what they accept, or detest what they detest? These facets of an individual are primarily influenced by the role they play in their family, in addition to how their family functions as a system.

This explanation of why people are the way they are is called the Systems Theory. A theory is an attempt to explain phenomena. In other words, a theory is a guess of why something happens the way it does. Lauer and Lauer (2012) explain the Systems Theory as an “intimate group [that] must be analyzed as a whole…” and as one that can be described as a sum that is greater than its parts. They also assert that each member of the system affects all other members, and that if a part of the system is malfunctioning, the entire system needs to be addressed rather than the malfunctioning part. This implies that a malfunctioning part of a system is actually a result of an imbalance; it’s an indicator that the system is not functioning correctly.

If that didn’t make sense, here is a real world example. When therapy was first starting to become popular in the 1950s, psychotherapists treating middle-aged women with depression found that some were unresponsive to counseling and medication. They emerged with a new method, marriage therapy, in which the afflicted woman and her husband were counseled on their relationship. The women showed remarkable improvement! A similar phenomenon occurred when children were unresponsive to therapy; family therapy came to be. Both of these scenarios illustrate that the Systems Theory is in effect; that is, that a system that is out of balance can affect its parts, and that fixing the system is what fixes the parts.

Me (left), Natalie (Right)

One example of how a part can malfunction comes from my childhood. My sister Natalie is three years older than me, and I love her. I was usually (somewhat) obedient, and I hated getting in trouble. Natalie was soft spoken and also avoided conflict. However, when my family would leave her to babysit me...suddenly things changed. Natalie became the boss, and I became a one-girl rebellion. Things went nuts. I remember locking myself into rooms, throwing markers, slap-fighting, and just screaming. My behavior flipped so fast, and there was nothing that could calm me down. Unless, the system went back to normal. When mom and dad came home, order was restored. I felt physical relief as they walked in, and I just knew everything would be okay when Nat wasn’t the boss. Then I went back to loving her. Simple example, but can you see how my behavior was changed by the system changing rather than by me?

See? We made up by 2014.

Reflect on your own family, and think of a time where someone’s behavior changed dramatically. Now dig deep. Why did their behavior change? What change of balance did your family experience that affected them? For example, a parent left, oldest sibling moved out, a sibling passed away, a new baby came, a child rebelled, etc. Was it a positive change? Negative change? What did your family do to achieve an equilibrium, or happy balance, again?

The Systems Theory teaches a powerful principle about family, and how its dynamic has an effect on each of its members. If you feel as though your family’s equilibrium was lost and hasn’t been regained, take heart. Roles are fluid as life happens. You may find that hardships you or a family member are experiencing can be helped by a slow but sure attempt of reaching homeostasis in the family; whether it be rebuilding relationships, taking over responsibilities, or even just talking about the issue. Know that there is always room for change, and that it’s worth it!

The Want for Gaucho Pants: Current Trends in Marriage and Family Relations

I can recall my first day of the seventh grade, walking through Highland Jr. High School’s triangular courtyard, observing my classmates’ first-day-of-school outfits. One outfit sticks out in my memory, and it was a fashionable girl wearing a pair of brown gaucho pants, a tight camisole, and a sequined shrug over her shoulders. I immediately thought, “I need those pants.”

Yikes.

Much like trends have been observed in fashion, trends have been observed in patterns of marriage and family relations. Listed below are the nine current trends in America observed by researchers in the field of Marriage and Family Relations. For the sake of simplicity, I have forgone listing the statistics of each trend, but these statistics can be found in the source at the end of this post.

In no particular order:

• Premarital sex has increased
• Babies born to unwed mothers has increased
• Adults living alone have increased
• Cohabiting (unwed couples living together) has increased
• Average age of marriage for men and women has increased
• The number of Stay-At-Home Moms has decreased
• Birth rates have decreased
• The number of divorces has increased
• The average household size has decreased

In examining each of these trends, I found one principle that I would like to offer as a foundation from which decisions can be made in marriage and family relations. That is, that trends should be addressed if they worsen the life of a child. I understand that defining what “worsens” the life of a child is subjective. However, most people agree on what hurts a child versus what strengthens them.

I’m not stating this principle for the well-being of the child alone, but for the implications a child’s well-being has for the future as a whole. The effects that several of the current trends in marriage and family relations have on children are changing our future. Take for instance, the increase in children born to unwed mothers. Numerous studies have been done in which conclusions show that grown children of single mothers lack in education, economic standing, and emotional/mental health compared to grown children raised by two parents that were married. It's been projected that increasing the number of children born to unwed mothers also increases the future percentage of adults that are less educated, less wealthy, and less mentally/emotionally healthy. Do you agree?

I knew at thirteen years old that avoiding comparison and saving money were more important than gaucho pants. Now, I understand that the principles I choose to believe affect my behavior. In regards to the current trends in marriage and family relations, I think the negative effects our generation’s decisions have on our children today are changing the future in ways that are not desirable. For that reason, I feel we should change the current leading trends.

What principles do you use to decide what’s important, or unimportant, in marriage and family trends?

Which trends do you feel should be addressed? Which trends do you feel should be continued?


Source: Marriage & Family: The Quest for Intimacy, Robert H. Lauer and Jeanette C. Lauer (2012)

What's the Big Idea?

I’m on a quest for becoming learned. We all are, right? Specifically, I want to be learned in Marriage and Family Studies. In my efforts, I’ve signed up for class titled “Family Relations”, in which I will be studying...well, family relations.

Because I believe in the Restoration of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, I believe that families are the “fundamental unit of society”, and the training grounds for progressing towards exaltation (a.k.a. eternal life in the presence of God...a.k.a. Heaven). That’s a big deal! However, that’s only one side of it. Families are a big deal outside of the spiritual aspect of mortality.

Families are where individuals are formed. Families are where each person gets their start at life. Families affect how we think, act, feel, and who we become. If we understood what family relations are capable of, in respect to each individual’s future decisions and behaviors and the effects they have in society, we would take our familial roles and relations more seriously.

That’s what I wish. I wish that everyone could see how family relations are among the most influential elements of their life. I wish that everyone could understand that for that reason, family relations need to be respected and understood. In this blog, I will be sharing the academic principles I learn that help us understand family relations and their influence on each one of us as individuals, and in our society.