Families are different from one another. Anyone that has been on Earth longer than a week can figure that out! Have you ever wondered why people act the way they do? Why they think the way they think? Why they say what they say, accept what they accept, or detest what they detest? These facets of an individual are primarily influenced by the role they play in their family, in addition to how their family functions as a system.
This explanation of why people are the way they are is called the Systems Theory. A theory is an attempt to explain phenomena. In other words, a theory is a guess of why something happens the way it does. Lauer and Lauer (2012) explain the Systems Theory as an “intimate group [that] must be analyzed as a whole…” and as one that can be described as a sum that is greater than its parts. They also assert that each member of the system affects all other members, and that if a part of the system is malfunctioning, the entire system needs to be addressed rather than the malfunctioning part. This implies that a malfunctioning part of a system is actually a result of an imbalance; it’s an indicator that the system is not functioning correctly.
If that didn’t make sense, here is a real world example. When therapy was first starting to become popular in the 1950s, psychotherapists treating middle-aged women with depression found that some were unresponsive to counseling and medication. They emerged with a new method, marriage therapy, in which the afflicted woman and her husband were counseled on their relationship. The women showed remarkable improvement! A similar phenomenon occurred when children were unresponsive to therapy; family therapy came to be. Both of these scenarios illustrate that the Systems Theory is in effect; that is, that a system that is out of balance can affect its parts, and that fixing the system is what fixes the parts.
Me (left), Natalie (Right)
One example of how a part can malfunction comes from my childhood. My sister Natalie is three years older than me, and I love her. I was usually (somewhat) obedient, and I hated getting in trouble. Natalie was soft spoken and also avoided conflict. However, when my family would leave her to babysit me...suddenly things changed. Natalie became the boss, and I became a one-girl rebellion. Things went nuts. I remember locking myself into rooms, throwing markers, slap-fighting, and just screaming. My behavior flipped so fast, and there was nothing that could calm me down. Unless, the system went back to normal. When mom and dad came home, order was restored. I felt physical relief as they walked in, and I just knew everything would be okay when Nat wasn’t the boss. Then I went back to loving her. Simple example, but can you see how my behavior was changed by the system changing rather than by me?
See? We made up by 2014.
Reflect on your own family, and think of a time where someone’s behavior changed dramatically. Now dig deep. Why did their behavior change? What change of balance did your family experience that affected them? For example, a parent left, oldest sibling moved out, a sibling passed away, a new baby came, a child rebelled, etc. Was it a positive change? Negative change? What did your family do to achieve an equilibrium, or happy balance, again?
The Systems Theory teaches a powerful principle about family, and how its dynamic has an effect on each of its members. If you feel as though your family’s equilibrium was lost and hasn’t been regained, take heart. Roles are fluid as life happens. You may find that hardships you or a family member are experiencing can be helped by a slow but sure attempt of reaching homeostasis in the family; whether it be rebuilding relationships, taking over responsibilities, or even just talking about the issue. Know that there is always room for change, and that it’s worth it!
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