Defining what love is...well, it’s hard.
There are lots of opinions floating around varying in cultures, ages, religions, etc. For example, Mulan’s family might say that love is bringing your family honor. A kindergartner might say that love is chasing someone at recess. A Christian might say that love is sacrifice. The list goes on!
The Greeks noticed the evolution of the word love, and postulated four definitions that can help us understand what someone could possibly mean when they say they love tacos as well as their spouse.
Storge (Store-gay) is maybe the most familiar form of love, and that’s a love comparable to that of a parent to its child. Storge love is no respecter of persons; a person (the child) could be stupid, smart, rude or kind and the loving individual (the parent) would still love them. Even if the love is unreciprocated.
Philia (Feel-ee-uh) is most easily understood as a love between friends. Philia between a man and a woman would equate to a platonic relationship. Love between friends is deep, strong, protective, but not romantic.
Eros (Air-ohs) is the most popular version of love. It is the erotic, romantic, chocolate and flowers, snuggling, kissing, heart beat quickening, nervous chatter, sweaty palms, and RomCom love. It’s important to understand that it is above lust, however. Lust is not love. Eros is a love where feelings take over.
Finally, Agape. This is a selfless love, one which the loving person desires nothing but the best for the well-being of others, whether they are close to them or not. This can be closely associated with charity, or the pure love of Jesus Christ. Many Christians look to Christ’s example of Agape love because of His pureness of heart in giving his life to help others live freely.
In terms of marriage, it's not fair to say which Greek definition of love is the “best”. Can you see how each definition plays an integral role in a marital relationship? When it comes to defining love, packaging it into one short-and-simple line of a Hallmark card limits our capacity to love. Because if we think that love is only available in a romantic relationship, we may label ourselves as incapable to love if we have no boyfriend or girlfriend or marriage. If we think that love is having protective feelings for our spouse but no attraction, our intimate relationships will wane. If we think that love is when maintaining strong relationships with family members, then we mistake periods of estrangement for hate.
The Greeks were on to something, and that is that love is fluid. If you believe love is good, and that you should have it at all times, then these four definitions will help you maintain your goal. I’ve learned that when I spend too much time trying to define love, I lose it. When I spend my time trying to feel it, I find it.
When do you feel love?
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