I’ve sometimes wondered why homosexuality exists. Most often, I’ve reduced my conclusion to, “That’s just their path of experience, I guess.” I didn’t really think much of it because I haven’t experienced it. I know people who have, and it’s never affected my relationship with them. All in all, I didn’t ever care that much.
My apathy changed directions when I recently watched this video, titled Understanding Same-Sex Attraction, produced by an organization called Family Watch International. This video interviews several men who have changed from being homosexual to heterosexual, and what that process entailed. What caught my attention the most was an acute definition given to explain what exactly homosexuality is, and how it occurs.
That is, that homosexuality is the sexualization of unmet fundamental emotional needs.
It’s often hypothesized that homosexuality comes from genetics. One study done observed a large number of identical twins, who have identical genes, and found that only 11% of the sets of twins displayed homosexuality in both twins. This discredits the idea that homosexuality is genetic, so it leaves us to hypothesize what in people’s environments affects their sexual orientation.
The above definition of homosexuality floored me. I have actually heard a similar definition from Dan Oakes, a popular therapist who specializes in addiction recovery. He teaches that for every fundamental need the body has, there is a physical urge that indicates that need isn’t met. When we need energy, we feel hunger. When we need love and affection or to feel connected, we feel sexual urges that attract us to people. When working with pornography addicts, Oakes mentioned that the most successful practice to overcome that tendency is for the afflicted person to call a friend or family member just to talk in the midst of powerful urges. Just in exchanging conversation with people that are important in their lives promotes feelings of love and acceptance, thus relieving the sexual urge and desire to view pornography.
In the case of homosexuality, the urges indicate the same unmet needs. It’s some researcher’s belief that people who have heightened same-sex attraction are quite similar to people that have heightened opposite-sex attraction. The difference is that most people who have same-sex attraction were either subject to some form of sexual abuse early in life, or they lack acceptance by their same gender to the point of emotional damage.
Another important thing to understand about people with same-sex attraction, is that they are not always subject to depression as most people imagine. Devout advocates for marriage between a man and a woman often believe that depression in homosexual individuals is an indication that they are living incorrectly. Then how do we explain the majority of homosexual people that are completely healthy and content with their lifestyle?
Remember this, depression is a physiological response to when one’s expectations and hopes do not align with reality. People who perceive that they SHOULD be married to someone of the opposite sex, but who feel same-sex attraction, are more likely to experience depression than someone who EXPECTS to be married to a person of the same sex and is in fact, living in that manner. Clinical depression is about what individuals perceive as normal and what’s happening, not what others perceive as normal for them.
This is obviously just one theory of how and why homosexuality exists. Of all the research I’ve read, I gravitate towards this definition the most, simply because it demonstrates how closely all humans relate. Each one of us is desperate to feel loved and connected, and it helps fuel compassion and understanding to know that there is little that separates people of different sexual orientations.
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