"Out of the Abundance of the Heart, the Mouth Speaketh"

How often have you tried to explain a thought process or an idea, but you feel like it just didn't sound the same way it felt in your brain? It's so easy for us to feel required to speak. When someone asks a question, when we feel we need to address an issue with someone, when we are in another's company in there is silence. However, how often do we speak and we are not really listened to, or understood? 

There is a great power in the words we choose to use, as well as all other forms of communication we convey; such as tone and body language. I have been a long-time fan of this particular TED Talk, and I would love to share it now.

Julian Treasure: How to speak so that people want to listen

His research floors me. You'll notice that his "7 Deadly Sins of Speaking" are rampant! Even in your own habits! I remember the first time watching this video, and thinking..."How many times did I use the word 'super' today to describe something? 'My class was super boring.' 'My roommates have been super annoying lately.' In addition to the word 'super'...weren't all of those also complaints?!"

It's interesting what we shoot from our mouth without actually comprehending what message it sends. In a family setting, think about the times you allowed anger to get the best of you, and said something that belongs only on a reality TV show.

I can clearly remember one experience I had with my sister Natalie, in which we had some trivial argument not long before we went to bed in our shared room. She had a ritual where each night, after turning off the lights, she would say, "Goodnight, Terri. I love you. I hope you sleep well!" This particular night, even after yelling at me just seconds before, she completed her ritual. I fumed. I replied back through the dark, in the most mocking tone I had, "Goodnight, Nat. I hate you. I hope you have a terrible sleep!"

It wasn't long before I heard her sobbing. I didn't feel one bit guilty that night, because I fell asleep angry. I don't recall what the apology process was like, but I have remembered that story since our young age. Reflecting on it now, I think about how careless I was with my speech. To me, I was just delivering a counter that I felt was equal to her previous attacks. In reality, I was sending the message of the worst kind. The opposite of love, the epitome of all dislike and contempt; flat-out hate. A desire to not be in a relationship with her. And you better believe that was the message she received.

Communication between family members can be callous. More often than not, our family members are the victims of our most poignant attacks of speech. With all that we feel towards our family, do we really want our speech reflecting false attitudes towards them?

How have you seen the power of communication make or break family relationships?

How have you seen inconsistencies in your own words and feelings before? Why did it happen?