Let's iron out this first issue. "Punishment" is used in psychology talking about training animals. Children are not animals. Parents should not implement punishment, they should regulate consequences.
Parents often find themselves in a battle of whether or not they should interfere with children's dumb decisions. Michael Popkin, a revered expert in parenting, offers some advice in this area. He suggests that parents take a very hands-off approach when it comes to allowing their children to learn by trial and error. After all, it's argued that one of the best ways to learn is by your own mistake. However, that suggestion comes with a big fat, BUT.
Children do a great job learning from natural consequences of their actions. For example, let's say a child leaves his bike in the lawn overnight. The next day, when his bike is rusted and non-functioning, he will remember not to leave his next bike on the lawn. Popkin explains that there are three scenarios in which parents should, in fact, intervene and implement consequences. LOGICAL consequences.
1. If the natural consequence is dangerous for the child. Example: a child wants to do drugs. That's dangerous. A parent should intervene.
2. If the natural consequence is too far in the future to effectively be the teacher. Example: a child doesn't want to go to school. They desire to drop out. A parent should intervene...because a child wouldn't be able to learn from this mistake until many years later.
3. If the natural consequence affects another person besides the child themselves. Example: a child keeps a friend out past their curfew. A parent should implement a consequence if the child doesn't understand their fault.
It's only under these three scenarios that Popkin feels it's allowable to implement LOGICAL consequences. So then, what is a logical consequence? A logical consequence is one that can be reasonably connected to the offense. It's illogical to hit a child for leaving the milk out. It IS logical however, to not allow them to drink milk the next time they ask for it...considering they might have ruined the milk.
How children feel around their parents greatly affects their well-being. With Popkin's idea of only implementing consequences when absolutely necessary, children will feel more trusted, more loved, and will be able to develop in a natural manner.
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